Making New Mom Friends: Things to Consider

I wish I could say I am the most amazing friend you could ever wish for but I am not. I have in my life made, kept, lost, and moved on from friendships and have decided to share some of my experiences in the hopes you benefit in some way from them. This was initially intended to be a list of things to consider when making new mom friends but I think it has evolved into ways of being a good friend. 

Things to Consider When Making New Mom Friends

Be Honest With What You Need. If you are someone who historically likes to spend every waking moment either talking to or hanging out with friends you need to fess up to that early on in the relationship. Same goes for if you only need a brief chat every few months over Facebook Messenger. Being upfront about your expectations will make sure that both parties know what is going on and prevent feeling as if you are either A) not being a good enough friend or B) being too good of a friend and not receiving the same attention back. If you are an introvert I highly recommend internet friends and this post I wrote about the benefits of them. 

Be Honest With What You Can Give. One of the first conversations I have with new potential friends is me telling them that I don’t want to do coffee, play dates, girls night outs, or girls weekends away. I can give them my attention and support. I can motivate them, help them, push them to be their best version of themselves but it will be from my home over Messenger on Instagram DM. If you have a full schedule with family and work already you need to let your potential new friend know that your time is precious and at this point, you can’t commit to constant get-togethers. If you do have a lot of time on your hand and can give it freely you need to speak up as well. Let them know you can commit to weekly brunch dates, or love to go on spa dates with friends. 

Be Prepared For Lots of Unfinished Conversations. You may be talking about that really important/traumatic/successful thing that happened in your life to your friend and all of a sudden encounter radio silence from the other end. 99.9% of the time it is because your friend’s kids/husband/dog/babysitter/neighbour distracted her and now she is putting out fires at home. Fret not, they will eventually return but it may be a couple of days so be prepared.

Accept That Plans May Change in a Moment. I don’t care if I have been planning something with a friend for 2.5 years, if something comes up at home i.e. sick kid or babysitter cancels, our plans are now up in smoke. Being a good friend I will also be open to this happening on your end as well. We need to accept that no plans are set in stone as a friend unless you both have a Plan B, Plan C, and possibly Plan D.

Be Loyal. Being loyal to a friend does not mean you can’t be friends with others, that you have to hate the same people who your friend hates, or doing everything the same. It means you will love and support your friend and not talk shit behind their backs. If you are the type of person who listens to a friend while they share their deepest fears and secrets and then turns around to talk shit about them to other people, there is a special place in hell for you. If you are this person you also don’t get to play the victim card and cry to everyone about how all your friends leave you. People see through that bullshit like they see through the Dollar Store leggings you’re wearing. Just don’t do it.

Move On Quietly if Things Don’t Work Out. Maybe you’ve had all or some of these talks and realize that this friendship is not working for you anymore. People change, circumstances change, things change. That is the beauty of the life we live, there are changes happening all the time and hopefully, we are moving along at all times trying to improve ourselves and our surroundings. If a friendship no longer fits into the grand scheme of things it is your responsibility to move on gracefully. Sometimes this means you and a friend talk it out and decide that space is the way to go, other times that means you just spend less and less time together, but you do so quietly as to not hurt feelings. Unless that person is the one mentioned above who gossiped about you all while pretending to be your friend then you can block them off of all of your social media accounts and move on in peace knowing that your life will be 100% better without them.

I think that even if we try our hardest to be good friends we all have our slip-ups but the older I get the more I appreciate and work on being and having good people around me. Now tell me what I missed. If you were going to give someone advice on how to make, keep and move-on from friendships what would it be?

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Aneta Alaei

Aneta is a Toronto-based mom of four that loves a good meal, great company, and learning something new. In her free time, you can find her trying to keep yet another plant alive.

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