I Have a Preschooler With Separation Anxiety

I have no idea how it came to be that I have a preschooler with separation anxiety but I can tell you that it is a situation that I was not ready for.

Early on in my parenting journey, I strived hard to make my kids self-sufficient. They went to daycare, spent time at their grandparent’s house and learned how to do basic things for themselves.

By teaching them how to be independent I was allowed to do things like sleep in, take a much-needed shower and go away for the night while they had a sleepover with family. It was divine.

After a little break having kids we started up again and all was seemingly going the same way as previous children. She has always been what I consider brave and adventurous.

She was the one that was going up and down the stairs at nine months, the one who would stack tupper ware so that she could get snacks from the cupboard herself, and the one who will without a doubt open the door herself and leave the house.

In hindsight she was also the one who would not even look at people who she just met, often swatting at them and burying her head in my shoulders. It was an on-going joke between hubby and I that she just didn’t like anyone.

But she loves so deeply those she knows. Apart from our family she also loves her extended family. We have attempted to have her willingly leave to her favourite place in the world with one of her favourite people, my mother-in-law. She packed her bag and potty and left waving bye and telling us that she “lubs us so much!”

Because I have been very resentful of her anxiety which has made me feel shackled to her. Because I can’t go out to eat or see friends without her. Because I can not go to work events that are not child-friendly. Because I just can’t leave her right now.

She was home in an hour and that was after my in-laws had tried to persuade bribe her to stay longer with cookies and treats. *le sigh*

I’m not sure how long this will last but I can tell you that I thoroughly enjoy her saying “me lub you so much mom” a million times a day. She gives the best hugs and cuddles. She grabs my face between her hands and looks me deep in my eyes while professing her undying love. It is the stuff of movies I tell you.

And so, for now, I will enjoy it.

Because I have been very resentful of her anxiety which has made me feel shackled to her. Because I can’t go out to eat or see friends without her. Because I can not go to work events that are not child-friendly. Because I just can’t leave her right now.

I thought it was just the babysitters we were leaving her with but last week she was in the car with my hubby and son when I had to run into an event quickly. She freaked out when I left but my husband told me she was inconsolable and having trouble catching her breath from crying so hard.

Staying with her for now while she works through these emotions is the only thing to do. When I ask her if I can go to work she says “No, me gonna cry. Me stay in stroller, me promise.” The fallout from leaving her is even worse.

For days after my attempts to leave I can’t leave the room that she is in without her falling into a pile of tears. Every time I open the door she thinks I am leaving her, even if it is to throw out the trash. It is just not worth it anymore.

So to anyone who has been wondering when I will be available to meet up without kids…she is slated to start kindergarten in September of 2017. See you then.

Aneta Alaei

Aneta is a Toronto-based mom of four that loves a good meal, great company, and learning something new. In her free time, you can find her trying to keep yet another plant alive.

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