The Cloud of Seasonal Affective Disorder

There are some things that happen with me like clockwork and a big one is Seasonal Affective Disorder. I get SAD, literally. Although I love fall and the fact that the weather cools down and the kids are back in school there is always a cloud that forms over my moods.

This has been happening for as long as I can remember and although I expect it every single year and I watch it creep up I still can’t get a hold of it enough to stop it. The good thing about being aware is that you can let those around you know what is happening. The bad thing about being aware is feeling so weak when you still can’t stop it. 

This year the mild weather interjected with the freezing cold days is just spreading the depression out

For me, the things I would usually get joy out of are no longer cutting it. It’s as if I am drowning in a state of never being satisfied even when I have every reason to be. I feel a bit engulfed with dread over finishing a project because I know it will not give me the relief I need.

So I am sleeping in for longer than I really should. There is a fine line between sleeping in and being in a rush for the rest of the day or just being late. I like to walk that fine line lately. Also back on the docket is those mid-day naps because nothing says being over-ridden with irritability with my moods like just giving up and crashing for an hour. 

Worst of all right now is the feeling of rejection when it has never mattered before. I know it will not matter once I get over this slump and get adjusted to the shorter days but damn is it nearly impossible to overlook right now.

But I will.

I know that this Seasonal Affective Disorder will go away eventually and I will be back to normal soon, until then I will be painting my walls white and trying to hang on to whatever “brightness” I can.

Because this too shall pass.

If you are struggling with mental health disorders and need some help please reach out for help. If you are in the GTA the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health is a great resource.

You can read more struggles with SAD here and read all about Blue Monday here. 

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Aneta Alaei

Aneta is a Toronto-based mom of four that loves a good meal, great company, and learning something new. In her free time, you can find her trying to keep yet another plant alive.

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