8 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When My Child Was Diagnosed as Autistic

The day I heard the word autism linked to my child’s name, my brain froze for a second. Then it sped up a million miles an hour. Questions, fears, what-ifs, and endless scenarios all crowded in at once. I remember thinking, “What happens now?” If you’re at the start of this journey, feeling like you’ve stepped into a completely different world, you’re not alone. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot. Some lessons were hard won, some came slowly, and some I wish I’d been told right from the beginning. These are the big ones.

Your child doesn’t need to be made “normal”

One of the first things that crossed my mind was how to help my child “fit in.” I thought good parenting meant helping them catch up to other kids. Over time, I learned that my child never needed fixing. They were already perfect, even with all the differences that made them stand out. Autism is part of who they are. The best thing you can do is meet them where they’re at, not where the world says they should be.

You know your child better than anyone else

When the diagnosis comes, you’ll meet professionals, therapists, teachers, maybe even other parents who’ve walked this road. They’ll all have opinions. Some advice will help, some won’t feel right for your child. The truth is, you spend every day learning what makes your child laugh, what calms them, and what sets them off. Trust yourself. If something doesn’t feel like the right fit for your child, it’s okay to say no and try a different approach.

Support is out there

For a long time, I tried to carry everything alone. I thought needing help meant I wasn’t doing a good enough job. I was wrong. Raising an autistic child is rewarding, but it can also be exhausting, confusing, and emotional. Getting parenting support is a game changer. Whether it’s a local group, an online community, or someone you can text on bad days, having support around you matters. You’ll learn new tips, but more importantly, you’ll have people who just get it, which takes away that heavy feeling of doing it all on your own.

Communication takes many shapes

There were days I’d sit and cry because I couldn’t figure out what my child wanted or needed. Words didn’t always come easily for them. Over time, I learned that talking isn’t the only way to communicate. They might point, gesture, make sounds, or use cards or technology to get their message across. Slowly, we built our own way of understanding each other. The first time you really “get” what your child is saying, even without words, is the best feeling in the world.

Their world feels louder and brighter than yours

One of the biggest shifts in my thinking came when I realised that things I barely noticed could feel overwhelming for my child. Bright lights, scratchy fabrics, buzzing noises, strong smells… all these things can feel huge and stressful to them. I used to think they were being fussy, but they weren’t. Their senses were just working differently. Once I started spotting their triggers, life got easier for both of us.

Routine makes life safer for them

Change can be hard for any child, but for many autistic children it can feel like the rug’s been pulled out from under them. Predictability gives them a sense of safety. You don’t have to plan every second of the day, but having familiar patterns for meals, school, bedtime, or outings can make life calmer. If you know a change is coming, prepare them early. Even a simple conversation about what’s going to happen can save a lot of stress later.

Progress doesn’t look the same for everyone

It’s hard not to compare your child to others. I used to watch kids their age and wonder why we weren’t ticking the same boxes. Over time, I learned that progress isn’t a race. For autistic children, it can look completely different, but it still counts. The first time they tried a new food, handled a busy shop, or joined a game with friends, it felt like winning the lottery. 

You can’t pour from an empty cup

I’ll admit, I neglected myself for a long time. Every ounce of my energy went into caring for my child, and I thought that made me a good parent. But running on empty doesn’t help anyone. Burnout makes patience disappear, and everything feels ten times harder. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s essential. Sleep when you can. Accept help when it’s offered. Do small things just for you, even if it’s a quiet cup of tea or a walk alone.