Pregnancy is NOT For Me

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My uterus is clocking out for good. It has played its part and given me four healthy babies. It has grown and protected them when they were most vulnerable and for that I will forever be happy. I just never want it to happen again.

You see there are some people who glow from within while pregnant. They do yoga and drink some healthy smoothies in the morning all while basking in the miracle of growing a child. Then there are people who spend 40 weeks sleeping on a couch because they have no energy, who get severe anxiety that needs to be medicated, who feel like they are being leached off of for the duration of the pregnancy. I am this person.

I hate being pregnant.

There I said it. I mean it too! I have mental health issues that I have become very good at handling without medication. It helps that my husband can see when I am veering off sideways and makes sure I don’t crash.

Being pregnant though fills my body with extra hormones and depletes others. My mind races at 200 km an hour and won’t let me rest. I get mad for no reason and have fights with everyone in my head. It causes me to lose sleep which in turn makes me more deranged. All four of my pregnancies have landed me in the hospital for stress related anxiety. All four of my pregnancies crippled me in a time when I should have been filled with joy.

Growing a baby is hard work. With all of my pregnancies I was wreaked with infections and deficiencies. This last one I got E Coli that I only managed to get rid of on my 6th round of antibiotics AFTER I gave birth. I had anemia and a case of hypothyroidism that finally disappeared when my last was born. I slept, and slept, and slept.

My husband was a single father, as I was not here. Physically my body was present but I couldn’t be trusted around the kids because I kept falling asleep. I was not a caregiver, I was not mom, I was a failure in my eyes.

So now I am done. My youngest has started to crawl this week and I know that in the next couple months he will be walking. He will be a toddler and I will no longer have babies, although all four will always be MY BABIES.

I am OK with this, I don’t have it in me to endure another pregnancy. I’m not complaining though because I got my perfect family. Now I get to bask in the glow that is parenting and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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Aneta Alaei

Aneta is a Toronto-based mom of four that loves a good meal, great company, and learning something new. In her free time, you can find her trying to keep yet another plant alive.

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8 Comments

Treen Goodwin
January 31, 2016 / 10:42 am

I loved being pregnant , but i have heard that a lot of woman hated being pregnant , i was lucky tho as i wasn’t sick a day , took after my Grandmother for that , because, if i would have been sick i would have HATED it as well , i had 2 healthy boys and that was enough , i wanted no more at the age of 25, young yes , but i knew that was enough , now to his day i have no Patience at all i feel , like i’m losing my mind someday’s , thank goodness my kids are grown up , now i have two beautiful Grand Babies whom i love to bits , just wish i had more patience like i did when my kids were young , make me feel like a horrible person , i just don’t got it anymore , i’m 46 years old and falling apart lol , thanks for sharing your story , i loved reading it ! xo
Melissa Roy
January 31, 2016 / 12:28 pm

I genuinely loved my first two pregnancies and even enjoyed my third that was riddled with complications and pain but my fourth was not that enjoyable. I think stress and age play a large part in how our bodies handle pregnancy and like you, 4 is good enough for me and I won’t (really) miss doing it again!
Emily E
January 31, 2016 / 2:53 pm

I hate hate hate early pregnancy! Up until 18 weeks ish I’m nauseous 24/7 and sleepy and mean. I’m sweaty and puffy and aching.

With my 1st I was under serious life stress (husband 3500km away, family 300km away, tough RN 3rd year etc etc). This time was better with life stress but I worked a relief position as an RN and had 9 night shifts out of 12 shifts in 4 weeks. Then 6 out of 12. It was rough!

That being said, I don’t feel done yet. So we will see!
Aneta Alaei
Author
January 31, 2016 / 8:36 pm

Early pregnancy is always difficult for me too. Building the placenta and getting used to the extra hormones was so horrible. Hope you have all the kids you want.
Aneta Alaei
Author
January 31, 2016 / 8:38 pm

I was riding my bike up and down the Toronto lakeshore and up the Don Valley path. Pregnancy in my early 20’s was completely different then in my late 20’s
Aneta Alaei
Author
January 31, 2016 / 8:40 pm

I fight to have patience every single day. I have to talk to myself in my head sometimes to just calm down. Patience sometimes escapes me and I think it always will. I am the bad cop in my house and so I am always asking everyone to do what they need to. THey never do it the first time I ask either.
nicolthepickle (Nicole Graham)
February 3, 2016 / 12:34 pm

I don’t love being pregnant although I didn’t have nearly as hard a time as you did. This time around (#5). It’s been really different. I am so much more emotional and tired than I have been. All I do is cry.
janine a
August 23, 2016 / 9:03 am

Super important post for people to read. Pregnancy is so different for everyone.