My Weight Does Not Define Me

body image
body image
I’m too fat.
I didn’t shave.
My suit doesn’t fit.
I need to do laundry.
I need to do anything that does not require me to get into my bathing suit in front of others.
These are just some of the excuses I have been known to use when it came time to put a bathing suit on. I have been making myself feel horrible for much to long and it is time to stop the nonsense. 
I have always been heavy but after having 4 kids in 6 years I am now festively plump. If I were a fruit I would be a voluptuous pear. I have arm flab, back fat and a stomach that 
still looks 6 month pregnant. Today my daughter asked if i was having another baby (no).
I will not allow my weight to put me on the sidelines anymore. Why should I? My big thighs do not define me. My friends would not like me more if I was a size 4. So why is it so hard for me to love and accept myself. 
Considering my attitude and the way I deal with most situations in life I am surprised it took me this long to realize that I don’t care what other people think of how I look in a suit. Because I will wear my suit with pride and I will enjoy cooling off with my kiddo’s in the pool.
I have been spending days at the splash pad with my kids sitting in the shade while they played. I have been watching women of all shapes and sizes smiling and laughing in the pool, wearing suits that fit both perfectly and not. They did not seem to have a care in the world and their laughter was contagious.
My curious nature then looked to the parents sitting on the side of the pool. They were unhappy, focusing on their phones and laptops, completely oblivious to the endless possibilities of fun and relief just a few feet away. They did not take the plunge (see what I did there) to let go and enjoy the pool. I was guilty of doing the same thing.
So I swam yesterday. I put my suit on at home and proudly put on a dress so that I could walk to the pool with my kids. And I let go, let go of all my insecurities (my fat will just let me float better, right) and we spent a few hours letting the toddler jump into the pool while the two older kids attempted to learn how to swim. Not once did I look around to see if anyone was noticing my belly or cellulite. Why would I? Everyone in the pool was focused on one thing, having fun.
My body may not be perfect but I love myself enough to not wallow in my insecurities. I will jump into all the pools (be warned) and I will wear my suit with pride because the sidelines are not for me. I want to be front row and center in life and I will be…once I find my next pool

Aneta Alaei
Aneta Alaei

Aneta is a Toronto-based mom of four that loves a good meal, great company, and learning something new. In her free time, you can find her trying to keep yet another plant alive.

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  1. Aliya D
    August 16, 2015 / 4:12 pm

    Good for you! I struggle with my self-image and trying very hard not to care what others think…

  2. Julie
    September 12, 2015 / 3:42 pm

    You’re completely right. We need to let these pressures that we put on ourselves go so that we can enjoy our children and ourselves. Thanks for the reminder!

  3. Nicole L
    November 16, 2015 / 9:57 am

    Great post! It shouldn’t be so difficult to look at ourselves in a positive way.

  4. Victoria Ess
    December 9, 2015 / 9:33 pm

    Good for you for doing that! I can definitely relate to letting my insecurities hold me back from having fun, and I’m inspired by your bravery. You have nothing to be ashamed of!

  5. Treen Goodwin
    January 18, 2016 / 9:51 am

    good for you . i struggle with the same issues , its hard to look in a mirror and think positive about my self 🙂 thanks for sharing 🙂

  6. kathy downey
    January 21, 2016 / 4:02 pm

    I have struggled all my life with my weight…no more now i am going to eat what i want just not as much as i like but i am going to live!