5 Steps to FAKE a Clean House

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It has been six weeks since little man has been born. There have been some adjusting to do but all-in-all I think we have gotten to a point where a routine is in place and we are all back to our regularly scheduled programs. That being said there are a few things I have fallen behind on.

General house maintenance has gone out the window. Although I have recently started a new routine (blog post to follow) I find that I am doing OK with a house that is not in pristine condition. It hasn’t been pristine for almost 7 years but that layer of dust on the shelf is not moving anytime soon.
Sometimes I lose dirty diapers…and than find them a few days later 🙁 This happens more than I care to admit but having 2 kids in diapers means that I change diapers all over the house and honestly things get overlooked.
Our linens…gosh our linens are in constant rotation and I cant seem to keep up. Currently…I’m pretty sure there is breast milk on my sheets and I’m not 100% sure that my older kids even have sheets on their beds…today I promise they will get some…maybe.
The upstairs washroom is now out of service because I am too lazy to fix it. It keeps running water so I just turned it off. This does not mean that the kids don’t use it and leave their surprises for me to find later…smelly surprises to be honest. I should mention it would take me as long as it took me to write this sentence to fix the toilet but I alas I don’t

And even though I have fallen behind on all of these things one thing that has not changed is the endless stream of visitors we have coming to the house. Between family, friends and random neighbourhood kids I literally get a few minutes notice before someone arrives. Thankfully, I have mastered the way to FAKE a clean house (at least the first floor) and will share with you.

Light the Lampe Berger and let it start getting to work cleaning the air and hiding any odors that are lingering.
Focus on where your guests will be spending most their time. If it is in the living room and they are sitting on the couch, tidy what they can easily see. If they are going to be at your kitchen counter throw all those dirty dishes into the dishwasher or sink ( or under the sink if you feel so inclined.
Pick up all the dirty clothes and throw them behind a door…any door…I use the basement door personally which is half way to the laundry room 🙂
Clear the counters and on top of anything that is easily visible. Give them a quick wipe and that is all!
Make sure everything is off the floors and if need be kick it under the couch. I said I was going to tell you how to FAKE a clean house not clean it!

But #1 is the most important in my eyes because a house that smells good can make people overlook the dirty dishes in the sink. Not only does your Lampe smell good it is actually doing it’s job of sanitizing and cleaning the air (which is better than the other 4 steps I gave you to do). I am lucky that I have my 3 Lampe Berger’s on rotation with different fluids in each one. I have done a few posts and reviews on my favourite fluids which you can read here and here. Today I want to tell you about a couple of new scents I discovered recently.

Image courtesy of Julie Dyer

Fruit Melody is one that I was saving for when it was time to welcome Cyrus into the world. I had it on reserve waiting patiently so that the delicate peach and floral smells could fill my home. What I didn’t expect was to light my Lampe and than go into such an intense labour that I forgot about it. Let me tell you something…laying in bed with my newborn on my chest and having the delicious scent of Fruit Melody waft upstairs I am glad this was the scent I chose to commemorate his birth. It is just as sweet as baby “C”.

Magnificient Vetiver is actually now my husband’s go-to. He was an Amber Elegance kind of man but I think he has been swayed to the other side. With hints of the citrus we love so much (lemon & grapefruit) and warm scents of nutmeg, patchouli and his beloved amber his “manly” Lampe is always emitting all things Magnificient Vetiver.

Fresh Linen is what I should be burning right now as we obviously don’t have none. With hints of eucalyptus, lavender and violet I am brought back to the times my mom would do our laundry and we would ALWAYS have clean sheets.

With the amazing choices that Lampe Berger offers with not only the fluids but Lampe’s as well I am sure you will find one to match not only your decorative needs but your scent needs as well. You can find a location near you here or go to their website and order on-line.

Tell me how do you FAKE a clean house? Do you have drawers, a door to a black hole, or an upstairs hallway that is a dumping ground? I have all three so I won’t judge 🙂

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Aneta Alaei

Aneta is a Toronto-based mom of four that loves a good meal, great company, and learning something new. In her free time, you can find her trying to keep yet another plant alive.

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19 Comments

nicolthepickle
May 23, 2015 / 12:01 pm

Hey, want to come over to my house sometime? We can compare. LOL.
Angele @shoeboxbegone
May 25, 2015 / 2:16 am

I, too, fake the clean house 🙂 I have 2 lampe berger, 1 in the entrance – which I light 10 min or so before EXPECTED guests, and anytime I’ve actually managed to clean the entrance. I also have one in the living room since that’s where everyone always is.

I, too, loose dirty diapers more often than I care to admit, and i’m down to 1 in diapers (2 years old!). So…. good luck with that one 😉

Behind the basement door has now become our official laundry pile – the kids know that’s where laundry is to congregate. My best laundry tip? On those weeks where you have a bit extra to spend (hear me out), put it all in large trash bags. everything. every sheet, towel, underwear, sock, dish cloth, stuffed animals that are starting to smell funky etc – and bring them to the laundromat – most have a wash & fold service. at 1.25 / lb, someone else does your laundry – all of it – and folds it. Everything is folded in the same sizes (towels etc), you didn’t have to use any electricity, detergent, fabric softener, etc etc. and SOMEONE ELSE DID IT. You get a phone call 2 hours later saying your laundry is ready to be picked up.

I’ve dropped off up to 7 big contractor sized garbage bags (post-tax-season catch up) and when I do go, I average about $100 – $120. I’ve never paid more than $150 and I’ve brought A LOT of clothes. Considering my billing rate is $55 / hour, this is more than worth it for me. You pick it up, bring it home, put it all away, and voila 🙂
Aneta Alaei
Author
May 25, 2015 / 9:53 am

I am glad that I am not the only one who fakes a clean house 🙂 That laundromat thing is so smart! We recently had to buy a new washing machine and I managed to find a huge Samsung top loader that will easily do 2-3 normal loads at once (or one king size duvet). It is the only reason my kids have clean clothes although they are not always folded.
Jodi Mitrovic
June 3, 2015 / 5:47 pm

Oh…I just love this post! You and your broken toilet made me laugh out loud! When given only a few minutes notice I pick which floor is quicker and easier to tidy up and that it where our company goes! I usually send them downstairs because the reality of motherhood has set in and my kitchen needs some love…stat!
Laurie P
June 4, 2015 / 10:17 am

I can’t fake it, I’m a clean freak. Except in my teens room, there’s no hope there….I just shut the door. lol

Enjoyed your post!
Keara B.
June 10, 2015 / 11:15 am

Oh goodness, this is my life! I can’t tell you the last time I ACTUALLY cleaned my house. It generally looks okay (thanks to many, many hiding places), but if you look to closely, you can tell I haven’t dusted in months. 😉 I wish I had a Lampe Berger, though!
Cassandra Booton
June 30, 2015 / 5:28 pm

Such an interesting article! Amazing wats to keep your house looking clean!
Darlene Schuller
July 7, 2015 / 11:21 am

lol I like this!! Sometimes a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do!
Debbie Bashford
July 10, 2015 / 7:51 am

Love to fake clean, I will grab a laundry basket and pick up loose or stray items that should be in another spot and stuff on the floors and throw it into a back room and close the door.
Aneta Alaei
Author
July 10, 2015 / 9:30 am

Fake cleaning is my forte 🙂
Victoria Ess
July 12, 2015 / 9:16 am

I love lampeberger! I’m always faking clean in the middle of the week.
KC
July 15, 2015 / 11:14 pm

This post is perfect for me 🙂
nicolthepickle
August 18, 2015 / 7:12 am

LOL at the losing diapers. I totally understand how that can happen. I have a rule for myself that I have to put them in the garbage right way
Julie
November 21, 2015 / 12:45 pm

Funny post, thanks for the laugh! Most of us have definitely been there before, I’d say!
Neal
November 23, 2015 / 6:33 pm

You are not alone, thanks for the laugh!
kathy downey
October 8, 2016 / 1:46 pm

OMG,Aneta…how do you do it all
kathy downey
October 3, 2017 / 1:30 pm

Somedays it’s hard to keep up with it all!
Debbie White Beattie
December 3, 2017 / 11:15 pm

I like things organized where my husband is a slob so he fake cleans and I make sure the real stuff is done
Shirley OFlynn
May 1, 2019 / 12:10 pm

Some great fake cleaning suggestions! lol